I never learn my lesson

For the last month or so I have been talking to my ex pretty often. I had everything under control, no labyrinths to run through, no strong feeling to contend with. As the month went on I started getting that feeling back, and no it wasnt slight it was as subtle as an inferno over gasoline.. needless to say at the time she did not feel the same way, so once again there was unrequited love. I came to the realization that it would never work out again, it just sucks how many times I had to experience the feeling before it stuck. well lo and behold she calls me up randomly saying that she loves. now I didnt know what to say but im not gonna lie and say that I wasnt fucking thrilled.

We got closer and talked about more intimate things and then my other friend comes into the picture with his ex. Now im not saying that he is responsible for the thing happening now but his special brand of indifference and terrible mood reading royally screwed the pooch and all other life forms around. This was only the first straw, the second was competition. This new guy she had just started talking to... great. So since I figured that the guy would be better for her since he is closer instead of miles away as i am. I nudged her along that path. Stupid decision I know but my love for her makes me dash away selfish thoughts. If she could be happier with thins guy I thought, then i could be satisfied not being with her.

well we talked about it and she basically said that we couldnt be together not because of ourselves but something else. So I once again thinking of her over myself and the doubts in the back of my head told her to do what was best for that something else and her. she didnt want to continue talking, so I told her I loved her and shoved off. As I thought about I realized that I had been selfless enough, I wanted her no matter what it took. I knew that this guy would never be able to love her as deeply as I can. Shit, I surprise myself how much I love her. I assure you im usually smart but when it comes to her I become much more  than a complete dumb ass, I become a doormat for whatever, all because of intense emotions that I have for her. Its a crying shame, I wish I could lie now and say I no longer feel that way but I would be lying a hole through my teeth, ill love that girl forever. Maybe it will work out, NO FUCK MAYBE! Leaving it to chance isnt my style I declare shit, so thats what ill do.

The stupid shit i do for love knowing full well it has a habit of biting my ass with steel fangs..................