The Update 4

I know these past weeks havent been the most productive, but theres an explanation. You remember the girl that I claimed was my wife for a while and dedicated a couple songs and poems to? Oh you do, great! Well you see about two days before our four month anniversary she shot me a text that said "srry its ova". Now earlier that day we got into an argument because she hadnt called or texted me for about three or four days. Now the first two days I wasnt concerned, she was probably just doing something, nothing to worry about. The last two I became worried, since there is a lot of drama in her life I thought the worst had happened, this was the first time that we didnt talk or text for such a long time. I started to investigate to figure out what had happened and the more information I got the more confused I became and I began thinking that she had been kidnapped or she had found someone else.

After my hysteria cleared I got a call from her on the fourth day, and she acted like nothing was wrong, turns out that she had been over a friends house and left her phone. The fact that she left her phone didnt piss me off, no. It was the fact that she acted as if nothing had happened. no apology, no... im sorry i wasnt able to call or I missed you..... nothing. So not wanting to make the situation worse I told her I would call her back when I feel like talking, then I attempted to hang up without saying I love you but I couldnt, luckily she hung up. I called her later that night to figure out why she didnt feel like it was a big deal, and she said that she didnt think she should have said sorry or anything, she just couldnt understand what would make me think that she should apologize for not talking to me for days and making me a worried homicidal fucking nut.

The argument escalated and I think she hung up I cant remember. So to get over my anger and call her back I got on facebook and started joking with my friend about going to the hotel with her, bringing freak bitches and crap like that. Obviously joking, well minutes into our joke I get that text dumping me, now aint that a some shit.... I called her, no answer. I texted her, no reply. I told her that we were joking and that she shouldnt take it seriously. Still no reply. The next day I texted and she replied, she said that she was scared, of what I wasnt sure. I spilled my heart out to her and she told me to stop becuase she was in school, telling me to chill she had to focus on her work. So I stopped. Later that day I called her again, once again spilling my heart and she had no words for me. She didnt say a word. She said that she loved me but she wouldnt say a word to me when we should be working this relationship shit out. I told her that she didnt care, nobody would actually sit there and not say a word if they did.

Well it turns out that when she wasnt on the phone with me she talked about me all the time, about how much she loved me and crap like that, but when were on the phone there was silence. I couldnt understand it at all. I started to see statuses of her telling dudes she was up and that they should call her, and that shit made my heart drop onto a fucking spike. It continued for a day or two then she started to say that she was single and all that, heart dropped once again. Then I texted her asking if she really cared, no response, but then I saw her update her status saying that she wanted to talk to those dudes again! WHAT THE FUCK! I got so fucking pissed that I texted her that she could have those other niggas since she clearly didnt want me, and still no fucking reply. She disappeared again, there was no updates on facebook, there phones were off, and their friends did not know where they were.

My friend got me feeling sentimental so I sent her a 3 page text spilling my whole heart out and basically telling her I would wait for her. I expected no reply, and I was right. But that was fine I anticipated that it would be a while, but then as time went by without hearing from her I got worried again. So i texted her asking if she was alright and that she should contact me or my friend to at least let us know. It happened like two or three days after that. She said she had planned on getting back with me but figured that I looked happy without her so she is single on facebook. I called her that day to figure out how she was feeling and while we talked about the situation she had to enforce what I already knew by saying she didnt care constantly. My heart fucking exploded, I got hysterical again and began luaghing even though I was so fucking pissed that this shit was happening, she got mad that I was laughing figuring that I didnt care.

Far from the truth if only she knew how much I talked about her, how many people I told that me and her would get married, how many times I felt like shit cuase I couldnt talk to her, how fucking worried I was that she would just forget about me. But yet, she said I didnt care. Thats when everything took a turn for the worst. I got extremely depressed and when I called her a day later  to ask about my friend she told me then said she was talking to someone on the other line and hung up. I knew it was another boy so i felt like shit. She had finally attempted to replace me.

Fast forward a couple days and here we are, she is making statuses talking about how single she is and what a catch she is trying to get a replacement, and im looking for the same thing I was. I still fucking love that girl even though she fucking ripped my heart out and eat it in my face conan style. But its cool, ill get over it eventually and I hope we stay cool and become really really good friends if not get back together. Because for some odd reason she still is all I think of when im not doing anything. Aint that some shit....

Maybe just maybe ill be able to get that feeling in my heart back, maybe she will be the one to do it. Who knows im not a fortune teller, ill let life happen....